stone memorials plaques
sandblasting stone and glass
architectural and heritage stonework
AFTER THE CREMATION - WHAT NOW?
For most people, losing a loved one is a terribly traumatic experience – no matter what the circumstances, whether it be a sudden death or a prolonged illness, nothing prepares you for the loss. It is an uncertain time and one relies on people to guide you through the various processes & choices available to you. By now, if you are looking to memorialise, you will have had the funeral and, if you had opted for a cremation, you may have the ashes back from the funeral director. Some funeral directors will offer the option to inter the ashes (ie. placing the ashes either in a wall of remembrance or burying the ashes in a formal environment such as a cemetery or church) and will help with the ordering of a memorial plaque. Often however, as the options are so numerous, this part of the funeral process is left for the family to determine themselves.
To help you decide, listed below are a few of the more widely opted for ways of placing ashes to rest.
PLACING ASHES IN A FORMAL GARDEN OF REMEMBRANCE
Local cemeteries, many churches and some schools and retirement homes can offer a formal area for ashes to be interred. Niche walls are walls of remembrance that have a special cavity in the wall that the ashes are placed in and then sealed with a memorial plaque. Some facilities will offer a wall of remembrance only where a memorial plaque would be installed on a plain wall and the ashes would normally be buried close to that wall.
These options would normally involve a fee for buying a niche or space on a wall of remembrance; the cost will differ between cemeteries, churches, etc.
BURYING OR SCATTERING THE ASHES IN PUBLIC & PRIVATE PLACES
Families often decide to scatter or bury ashes in the departed’s favourite place. If this is on private land, permission needs to be granted by the landowner. If on public grounds ie. at sea, there are regulations surrounding scattering of ashes and these should be checked beforehand.
BURYING ASHES IN AN EXISTING FAMILY GRAVE
If you have an existing grave where family members have already been buried in a cemetery, it is allowable to bury cremated remains in that grave. If there is space on the grave, a memorial can be made and installed after the burial of the ashes to commemorate that person.
This option would involve a fee and paperwork would need to be completed at the cemetery.
KEEPING THE ASHES
You also have the option of keeping your loved one’s ashes; some people find a comfort in having the ashes with them. One can buy an attractive urn or container and keep the ashes in your home. There are jewelry options for keeping a portion of the ashes in a locket and, if you would like to take it a step further, there are companies that offer the service of making a diamond out of the cremated remains.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE ASHES
The passing of a loved one is often a very difficult and emotional time and it maybe that you are not ready to make a decision of where to place the ashes to rest. There is no time limit on having to make this decision and you should not feel pressured into doing so. It is not unusual for someone to only place the ashes to rest years after the cremation. Deciding on the resting place should be a time when you can reflect on the memory of your loved one.
DO I HAVE TO MEMORIALISE?
You do not have to have a memorial plaque made however there are a few considerations.
A memorial is a permanent tribute to that person; it is a chance to express how you felt about them and to remember their life. It also serves as a lasting record for future generations. Even if you have chosen to scatter the ashes, many places will still allow you to place a memorial plaque only on a wall of remembrance.
For thousands of years, humans have memorialised those passed – we instinctively have a need to remember and be remembered. Psychologically, it has been shown that each part of the funeral process, including memorialisation, helps to bring emotional healing. Many people say that it helps to bring closure – I do not agree with this - there is never closure for losing a loved one. Memorialisation gives a focal point for remembrance and in so doing moves one through the ongoing grieving process.
ON A PERSONAL NOTE
Over the years, we have assisted families in creating memorials for their loved ones and I have seen the importance of doing this for grieving families. More recently however, I produced a memorial for my own Dad and I eventually understood the process of “writing” those final words into stone. Trying to sum up how you feel about that person in just a few words - a stone can never be big enough to say what you want to say! However, I do now know the healing it brings – how I enjoyed choosing those few words from the endless and enjoyable memories of my dear Dad.
Dad, I will always miss you so much.
Keith Coggins
24.5.1940 - 26.4.2015
